I figure that this would be an appropriate venue to discuss my impending...or rather upcoming, move into the category of Dad.
Two weeks ago, my wife peed on a stick. It's really not that big of a deal, we've been married for a few years now, and not using birth control for a bit (which took a bit for me to get over I admit) and from time to time she would pick up a pregnancy test from Safeway if she missed her period or if she was feeling "off." We've done this dance about ten times, each time I hold my breath and each time the result is not pregnant. Which I have become used to. A little too used to actually. Despite the ongoing guilt that my parents have been placing on us for the last three Christmas's, I had/have become content with the possibility that there would be only two in this family. I had even toyed around with the idea of adopting a seven year old when we were in our late thirties. This all came crashing to a halt when my dear sweet wife stated calmly from the bathroom "I think I may be pregnant," Twas nothing like the television or movie type moments that you see. There was no string orchestra playing a soft crescendo, no soft focused smiles, nor high pitched happy squeals. There was me, and my following statement. "what do you mean, you 'may' be pregnant?" She couldn't tell immediately, and the two of us examined the stick to see if there indeed was a second line. First Response Pregnancy Test. I find it funny now, that my first response was, as I am sure is pretty common, "whaddaymean?"
A quick tip to the makers of First Response, please make your system a little more user friendly, I am sure you think that a solid pink line and a ridiculously pale pink line are helpful to a man who is dizzy and having trouble deciphering what is one of the most fundamental moments any a persons life! I mean honestly, would it kill you to spring for a couple of LED lights? Two lights yes one light no?
Nevertheless there we were the two of us in the bathroom jammed up against the light, looking deeply into a peed on stick to see if in fact there was a second pink line.... We betted on the yes and then the both of us sat on our bed in absolute silence for a good fifteen minutes.
Flash forward two weeks, and here I sit. Not as absolutely freaked out as I had been, but more of a dull stress. My wife is going through that whole morning sickness thing. The thing that seems cute when you hear about it, but is absolutely not cute when it occurs at 6 in the morning after you stay up way too late. I feel bad, I do. I'm trying to be the supportive husband, but it doesn't just happen one day here and there, its like every day. Its almost like a part of the morning routine. To the point, I'll ask "hey babe, you alright" and she will respond after a quick hurl, "yup, can you take the dog out and put some toast on?" A second pregnancy routine that has been established is the "man cannot do anything right routine." Which is just an ongoing lecture, in which my many faults are pointed out, rinsed and then repeated. We have a book that says this is quite normal. And she has been reading a few online columns that say the same. This doesn't really help me though, I am still the guy responsible for not getting home 3 minutes after my office closes (Despite the 20 minute drive), I do not care about the environment (I left the sink running as I washed a single pot) and I have been accused of purchasing luxury cars putting, my wants ahead of my child's needs (I never purchased anything.....I merely stated that I liked the look of the new Audi A3)
And so it goes....... gotta love that first trimester.
